just a quickie (on my phone) as i lay in bed trying to while away the effects of too much caffeine. for some reason, my phone wont capitalize anything today. there's blackberry for you.....

the movie 'about a boy' comes to mind. remember hugh grant's character, the man with no real career besides wooing women and keeping to himself? i remember he looked at his days as ' blocks of time'. remember that? going to the post office- two blocks. getting my hair done and shoulders massaged- four blocks . only so many blocks in a day.

i feel my days lately have been a strange checkerboard of blocks. every second block belongs to the children and not enough are dedicated to sleep or school. once again, i am not complaining but i need to figure out a way to get my time blocks to add up to a proportionate amount.

i think every working mother has felt this way. in fact, im willing to bet that every mother since the beginning of time has felt scattered and stretched thin at times.

i read the other day on kelle hampton's blog (enjoying the small things) that you should treat your mind like a magnadoodle. just imagine youre sweeping it clean every night before sleep. i'm going to try this now. sneak in a bit of rest before the sun and my sons are up and we begin our game of blocks all over again :)

Ramble-bamble...Ev-man!

Ev was born Sept 5th, 2008 at 10lbs 13 oz after days of labour with minimal progression. Before he was born, I had all sorts of grandiose plans about his life- pages of dreams for him, lists of things I would and wouldn't do. I admit, I was a judgemental pre-parent with a holier than thou concept of birth and parenting.

I should have guessed after not managing to attain the perfect natural birth I had imagined for him that life just wasn't in my control any more.

I swore he'd never watch TV, that I'd make my own baby food,  that I'd wear him in a sling and that he'd be immune to advertising and the poisonous lure of McDonalds and the candy aisle.

Yeah, that never happened and my imagined peaceful 6lb tiny newborn (I also thought he'd be a girl) came out late, angry, macrosomic and with blood sugar problems. We needed every medical intervention in the book. He was colicky, gagged on homemade baby food and when given a fry- he gobbled that thing down like he was in a contest! We were lucky- TV didn't interest him but he's a sucker for advertising. 

It honestly doesn't matter like I thought it would. Once we saw he was healthy and we got his sugars under control, we went with the flow. :) for some reason, I thought that since I started 'unnaturally', I had free reign to continue with whatever I found to be the easiest. It was that, or the fact that I no longer had TIME to grind up baby food or go out in search of organic fair-trade baby toys.

I went through a breif period where I thought he hated me but he was colicky and to be honest, I think he hated everything at that point and what parent doesn't have that moment? THE MOMENT where you question your own judgement on becoming a parent in the first place and question honestly if you should continue because OBVIOUSLY ,you've destroyed this child and his life? No? just me? ah. Moving on....

Evan is today 4. He loves numbers, he's a natural with logical thinking and proudly rocks a batman shirt and other logo gear- which I proudly bought him. When we go to the park, he's outgoing with other children and loudly introduces himself "Hi, I'm Evan. Whats YOUR name?'

He loves his little brother and thinks he's the third parent. He has hilarious sayings and evan-isms. Hockey is his favourite thing and he loves the Vancouver Canucks, the Canadiens, Team Canada and for some reason, the Phoenix Coyotes.

He's in preschool and loves playing with other kids.  Super Mario on the Wii is his favourite pastime and even though I never managed to wear him in a sling or tie him to my head or whatever else natural parenting was teaching me to do, we're a tight knit family and it's awesome.

He's patient and loving. I think it's the family- oriented style we have. We go to McDonalds for dinner. We do it as a family. We watch TV, we do it as a family. I always thought that natural parenting would be the best but I guess Ev taught me otherwise.

My point on this ramble is that I had control over my life before children were born. I controlled when I woke up, when I went to sleep (note that sleep tops my list these days) what I ate, when I was able to work and where I lived. No wonder so many women (myself included) are surprised when they can't control labour, deliver and ultimately, their babies. Why wouldn't we be able to? up until now I've done everything my way.... and I mean, it's my own body, flesh and blood!I made this kid, why can't I make his life the way I want it to?

I'm so glad I couldn't do that. Evan the way HE makes himself is amazing and he did such a better job at it than I could.

Today, life is a wonderful organized chaos. I live in a three bedroom apartment instead of a spacious 2 bedroom. We use every available inch here too and the closets are crammed with plastic crayola coloured toys. Minimalism? what's that?! I carry the dreaded mom-purse with diapers, snacks and crumbs in it. Instrad of working when I feel like it, My husband and I trade off shifts. He works days, I work nights so one of us is always with the boys.

We eat at the early bird times and not when we get around to it. We eat what the kids will eat and not filet mignon (we never ate that. Let's be honest) We sleep when we can and jump out of bed to get someone another drink of water or to retrieve a lost fuzzy.

It sounds like hell.... if you're not a parent. If you are, you understand what I'm getting at. It's awesome. Wouldn't change the clutter, wont trade any of it for a full night of sleep. Wouldn't trade my children for anything.